Grown ups can go on field trips too. This week I was at huge photography workshop in Santa Barbara, California. They didn’t really want you to call it a conference, or a workshop, so they called it Field Trip. Essentially it was 400 creatives taking over a campground on the coast. The days were full of classes that ranged from education to kickball and the evenings were full of dance parties. A couple of mentors had recommended that I check it out and when I realized that I was already going to be in California in the van, I immediately signed up. 

I had connected with other Field Trippers via social media before the event and one person had advised that I shouldn't take classes with photographers that I really liked or admired because I would end up hating them. He was right. Well, half right, I really don’t hate anyone. But it is definitely enlightening to meet your heroes in real life. They look like these brilliant picture-making humans with beautiful wholesome lives on their Instagram accounts when in reality they might actually suck as a person. I had to unfollow a few favorites after this week, just until I can swallow my judgements and go back to seeing them as artists instead of pretend BFF’s. 

I stayed in a cabin during Field Trip and actually had a really hard time being far away from the van. I have organized everything I could ever need into all of the little compartments so to try and pack to be away was more difficult than I expected. I also struggled with sharing a living space with so many others after being secluded by myself for the last month.

A big push was to be super social and make a million friends which as you get older, gets so much more difficult. I tried to hone in on why I was struggling with being around so many people. I am not particularly shy, and I literally LOVE everyone (minus the guy that yelled that I was an idiot for not using my blinker today, I don’t necessarily love him) but what it really narrowed down to is the comfortableness I have with being solo. I actually caught myself just walking away from people standing next to me because I needed to use the bathroom, or was searching for more brownies. Like I was so in my own world and my own needs or wants that I struggled integrating myself with others. Or communicating that I was stepping away instead of leaving people standing there by themselves. And if I walked away from you, or didn’t respond to anything anyone said, I apologize, this is obviously an area of balance I need to work on. I am proud of my independence, but I also need to not be a hermit loner. 

It took until the last day for me to really realize how many friends I had in fact made. When I started saying goodbye and realizing that there was a small chance I would not cross paths with these people again in the near future, I started to get heavy. You have all of this fun and make all of these memories and now I am just going to drive back to the corner of the earth I came from. K fine. I have met some of the greatest individuals on this trip that I know will be friends for a lifetime. Y’all remember Nett, the woman from the Kroger parking lot on Day Three? We still email on a consistent basis which makes me feel crazy blessed. I had amazing friends and family before I left Michigan and that list keeps on growing. 

Just a little more than a month left on the road. Next week, the Grand Canyon, and then back up the coast. 

Two months on the road. 

I have learned a lot about myself. One of those things is that I really do genuinely enjoy being alone. I am super thankful for the dozens of people that have opened their doors to me during this journey. I feel like I don’t have many friends back home, at least not ones that I get to see or speak with consistently, but I definitely do have friends all across the United States. There have only been two cities that I have visited thus far where I did not have a connection. Colby, Kansas and Beaver, Utah; where I am not sure anyone lives at all.

This trip has consisted of driving (so much driving) and then stopping to hang out for a few days, and then more driving. When you stop to visit, you are mostly on another person’s schedule. When they go to sleep, when they wake up, when they stop to eat and so forth. I have discovered that I pee A LOT more than most people do. This was something I never realized before I had to ask for bathroom breaks. Sorry guys, gotta go. AGAIN. I seriously have felt so impressed and in awe of the strength of some people’s bladders. I’m talking full day hikes and they are like desert camels.  

Before heading over to a conference in Santa Barbara, I checked myself into a campsite for two days of complete solitude. Vlad will be here by the end of next week and while I am super pumped to have him by my side, I knew this was the last chance for just me. I cannot express enough appreciation for all of my hosts, but I severely needed some alone time. To just lay on the beach and ride my bike and turn off the wifi. As soon as I pulled in and got everything hooked up I became overwhelmed with a feeling of pure bliss. Staring out at the sun setting over the ocean and letting the reality hit me. 

Two years ago I remember having a panic attack creep up on me while across the state of Michigan on a girls trip. I never did well with being far from home, as a kid, or as an adult. It’s a constant internal battle. What if something really bad happens. What if I fall and break my ankle and have to go to the hospital, or catch a case of e. coli and almost die and there is no one here to save me. You name it, I’ve considered it. But here I am, on the opposite side of the country, completely alone. Still not free of anxiety, but whatever, I did it. Conquered the fears, pushed myself further than I thought I would ever go. Dipping my toes into the Pacific, I fucking DID IT. 

The true test of independence, really the sole purpose of this adventure. Just to prove to myself that it could be done, that fears and “what if’s” will not limit me. And even though I get to share life with another incredible human, I am still completely content doing it on my own. I am not dependent on anyone to generate happiness or help me achieve my dreams. If I can make it this far, I can make it anywhere. The possibilities are endless and the excuses cannot exist anymore. 

I am already so excited to share this story with my children and my grandchildren. I pray that they will stare at me like a crazy hippie and will be inspired to make their own journeys. That they will always be thankful for every single day and will take advantage of it. 

We only get one chance at life, and I am determined to live the shit out of it. 

Side Note: I did have the chance to photograph a quick styled session in Malibu this week, there are a few of my favorites here, but please head over to the “blog” tab on meliabelle.com’s header to see the full session. It is definitely worth a peek. Much Love! <3

On the road again. Facing new challenges and overcoming some home sickness but I know that here is where I want to be. The novelty of the van has worn off a bit. At first everything was so cute and small, but I am finding myself getting pretty frustrated with having to move thirty things every time I needed something. And then strategically having to put all of those thirty things back in their place. Below freezing temperatures also taught me a few lessons about the van, but I am learning and becoming much more experienced and prepared. 

I feel pretty naive in admitting that I definitely underestimated the mountains. Like I realized that these were going to be tall winding roads, I had driven through them this past summer when I visited Breckenridge. However, it is entirely different when you are hauling a three ton van with zero horse power in the middle of winter. This should have been so very obvious to me, but in my adventure, conquer the world, woman mode I was apparently oblivious.  

Even more so when after this stressful night of mountain crawling (5 hours to travel a mere 180 miles) I decided to visit the Colorado National Monument Park. I spent quite some time talking to the ranger from inside my van at the entrance about spots to check out. He must have thought I was an incredible driver or that the van was a super hero or that maybe I was in fact educated on the terrain because he didn't mention the thousand foot drops without guard rails around very sharp turns. But of course, once you get to the top, there is only one way back down. I was literally judging the cliffs based on the likelihood I would survive if we drove off of one. Ranging from “Definitely Dying” to “I would probably have time to jump out first.”

Needless to say, we survived. 

I am now further west than I have ever been. It may seem silly to most people, but I have not traveled much. This last year I averaged 1-2 vacations monthly, but prior to that, the furthest I would get was an occasional camping trip to northern Michigan or a weekend getaway to Chicago. Growing up I remember camping a lot in the summers. We had a travel trailer, but because my parents owned a business we were not ever far from home. I just took my very first plane ride last year. So this is BIG for me. This is far from all of my comforts and safe havens. But it’s happening and I am proud and empowered. Driving through Utah and Nevada today and just taking in the breathtaking scenery. It feels surreal, like how did I not know that it looked like this out here. How is there so much that I am missing out on. I considered mounting the camera to the dash and just filming the entire ride because I wanted to put it in my pocket and keep it always. 

So this is what the rest of the journey is going to entail. A lot of new. All places I have never been before. The trip is only halfway over and it is already so much more than I had expected. All that I see and all that I feel. Making new friendships and visiting old ones. The changes that I see in myself. I feel blessed beyond measure and so ridiculously thankful every single day. 

Next stop, California.