Getting ready to hit the road again and it feels like saying goodbye the second time is so much harder. Maybe because I will be out for a longer period of time, or because home feels so comfortable. Maybe because it is cold and I know it will be a few weeks before I am back in the sunshine and warm temperatures. I cannot pinpoint it, so I will just keep driving, tears running down my cheeks. I should be in Colorado by the weekend and I can bet the mountain view will make everything MUCH better.
My mother thought she had scheduled a surgery (minor) in my absence, but despite her debatable strategic planning, I was able to be home with her for that. She was concerned about me taking her, thought I might not have been tough enough, but I really wanted to be there. Up until maybe two years ago I still had my mother attending all doctor and dentist appointments with me. I want her to realize that she can begin to lean on me as well. That I am an adult and even though I have a ridiculous, irrational fear of hospitals and vomit, I will always be there to take care of her.
I did not want to come home. At all. If it wasn’t for the four amazing couples and one amazing family booked for this week I probably would have cried real tears crossing the Michigan border. Tears coming home, tears leaving home, I just can’t win here. I had promised myself that I was going to make this trip happen and not take on extra projects, but when I had two wedding opportunities (one with my very favorite gal, Wendy Thibodeau Photography) in the same week I knew it would be worth while to come back and book the week up.
I even found time to apply the lipstick I bought in 2012 and do a quick self portrait session. Looking or feeling pretty has become less and less of a priority as I have passed through my twenties, but once in a while a reminder of what effort looks like should be had. Especially when you have a partner who is so completely accepting of your body or bad habits. Someone who adores you at your absolute worst, regardless of the length of your armpit hair, or number of times you fart on his leg in the middle of the night. He actually Facetimed me later in the day and the conversation went like this:
“Ooooo you gots your makeups done??”
“No, I did it!”
“You know how to do makeup?”
He deserves a rare glimpse of beauty too.
There are so many things to be excited for in the coming weeks. This time I am traveling further, and will be gone for twice as long as I was before. But I know the reward will be so much greater. To see the redwoods and the cliffs over the oceans, to drive as high as the van will take me and then hike the rest of the way. The canyons, the desert, the rainforest. Starry skies. It is going to be so beautiful and perfect and fulfilling and terrifying and I want to experience it all.
Thank you to all of my clients for working around my schedule and hanging out with me this week. It was amazing to be in the presence of love and to make these images with you.
So long again Michigan, be back in the spring.